Posted July 30, 2001 06:15 | Category: Quickies | #
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man."
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
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Last updated: 09/19/2007 William R. Ward, bill@wards.net