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McDonnell Douglas Warranty Registration

Posted July 30, 2001 06:15 | Category: Parody | #

What if everyone had to fill in warranty registration cards?

Important! Important!
PLEASE FILL OUT AND MAIL THIS CARD WITHIN 10 DAYS OF PURCHASE

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet our customers' needs.

Mr. Mrs. Ms. Miss Lt. Gen. Comrade Classified Other
First Name: Initial: Last Name:
Latitude: Longitude:
Altitude: Password or Code Name:
Which model aircraft did you purchase?
F-14 Tomcat F-15 Eagle F-16 Falcon F-19A Stealth Classified
Date of purchase: Month: Day: Year:
Serial Number:
Please check where this product was purchased:
Catalog Showroom Mail Order Sleazy Arms Broker
Discount Store Government Surplus
Received as Gift/Aid Package Classified
Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
Espionage Heard loud noise, looked up Store Display
Recommended by friend/relative/ally Political lobbying by Manufacturer
Was attacked by one

Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

Style/Appearance	Kickback/Bribe
Recommended by salesperson	Speed/Maneuverability
Comfort/Convenience	McDonnell Douglas Reputation
Advanced Weapons Systems	Price/Value
Back-Room Politics	Negative experience opposing one in combat

Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
North America Central/South America
Europe Middle East
Africa Asia/Far East
Misc. Third-World Countries Classified

Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase in the near future:

PRODUCT	OWN	INTEND TO PURCHASE
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missile
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon

How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:

Communist/Socialist	Democratic
Dictatorship	Terrorist
Crazed (Islamic)	Crazed (Other)
Corrupt (Latin American)	Corrupt (Other)
Neutral	Primitive/Tribal

How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
Cash Suitcases of Cocaine
Oil Deficit Spending
Personal Check Traveler's Check
Credit Card Ransom Money

Occupation:

	YOU	YOUR SPOUSE
Defense Minister/General
Mercenary
Homemaker
Sales/Marketing
Revolutionary
Tyrant
Clerical
Middle Management
Eccentric Billionaire
Black Marketeer
Retired
Student

To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating:

ACTIVITY/INTEREST	YOU	YOUR SPOUSE
Golf
Boating/Sailing
Sabotage
Running/Jogging
Propaganda/Disinformation
Destabilizing/Overthrow
Defaulting on Loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black Market/Smuggling
Collectibles/Collections
Watching Sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/Torture
Household Pets
Crushing Rebellions
Espionage/Reconnaissance
Fashion Clothing
Border Disputes

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500

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Last updated: 09/19/2007 William R. Ward, bill@wards.net

North America	Central/South America
Europe	Middle East
Africa	Asia/Far East
Misc. Third-World Countries	Classified

Cash	Suitcases of Cocaine
Oil	Deficit Spending
Personal Check	Traveler's Check
Credit Card	Ransom Money