Bill Ward - All - Humor - Geek Jokes

REVIEW: Amazing Windows 4.0

A "review" of Windows 4.0, which we later came to know as Windows 95, lampooning the way computer magazines never have anything bad to say about their advertisers. Suposedly, this came from within Microsoft. It's a little dated, but still funny...

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The Information Superhighway???

There it is again. Some clueless FOOL talking about the "Information Superhighway." They don't know JACK about the net. It's NOTHING like a Superhighway. That's a BAD metaphor.

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The First Generation

This is a little gem I dug up the other day. I don't know who the original author is, so this is reproduced without permission, but I couldn't resist. - Simon Cocking

Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.

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Alice in UNIX Land

Alice was reading the message on her monitor and beginning to suspect that everything was not as it should be. "Program too big to fit in memory," it read.

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On Wings of Eagles

This is original, written in light of the AT&T-BSDI lawsuit, and the recent trend with Sun towards System V and away from Good Ol' BSD.

Berkeley California (Sung to the tune "Hotel California" by the Eagles)

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Mel was a Real Programmer

A recent article devoted to the macho side of programming made the bald and unvarnished statement: "Real Programmers write in Fortran."

Maybe they do now,
in this decadent era of
Lite beer, hand calculators and "user-friendly" software
but back in the Good Old Days,
when the term "software" sounded funny
and Real Computers were made out of drums and vacuum tubes,
Real Programmers wrote in machine code.
Not Fortran. Not RATFOR. Not, even, assembly language.
Machine Code.
Raw, unadorned, inscrutable hexadecimal numbers.
Directly.

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What does EMACS mean?

Officially: Editing MACroS.

Unofficially:

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COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM

Finally, a problem report form that matches reality...

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UNIX Knows More Than You Think

Here are some commands you can try to prove this fact:

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Genesis.log

Log from from God's UNIX machine

#In the beginning was the computer. And God said
:Let there be light!
#You have not signed on

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